What I wish I had known BEFORE my hospital birth

With one child in agonizing labor for 30 hours and my second arriving in a perfect water birth in just 4 hours, I learned a lot about hospital births. In this blog post, I'm sharing what I wish I had known the first time around, and how you can have a better experience right from the start.

Hey you, and welcome back to Birth Space. I'm your doula Jules, and today we're diving into something really close to my heart, especially if you're planning a hospital birth. My first hospital birth? Let's just say it was a marathon – around 30 hours of labor, an epidural despite my "natural" birth plan, and an episiotomy that I was terrified of. The days and weeks that followed were tough, with constant pain and, honestly, some pretty bad incontinence. I'm sharing all this with you today so you don't have to make the same mistakes I did. Because since then, I've learned a ton, and my second baby arrived calmly in a beautiful 4-hour water birth. So, let's jump in: here are the top 5 lessons I wish I'd known before planning my hospital birth.

Lesson 1: Trust Yourself and Advocate for Your Needs (Even in the Hospital)

I vividly remember being over 20 hours into labor, absolutely exhausted, and begging for an epidural because I just couldn't take it anymore. It was pure agony. But the doctor and midwives actually refused for quite a while, thinking I was in the transition phase – you know, that point where you feel like you can't go on and the baby's about to arrive any minute. It was honestly traumatic because they totally misjudged the situation and held power over me when I was incredibly vulnerable.

Look, even though doctors and midwives are the experts in their field, that doesn't automatically mean they know what's best for your body and your baby in every situation. I chose a hospital for my first birth thinking it was the safest place in case of an emergency. But in the end, the hospital environment itself contributed to some of the difficulties I experienced during labor and delivery – issues I'm pretty sure wouldn't have happened if I'd taken more ownership of my experience.

You are the ultimate expert on your own body and your baby. Even surrounded by professionals in a hospital, that doesn't mean you should ignore your gut feeling and your needs. Do your homework and understand your rights and options during a hospital birth – ideally, well before you go into labor. You have the right to ask questions, to get clear explanations, and to make informed decisions about your care and your baby's care. If something doesn't feel right, don't hesitate to voice your concerns and stand up for what you believe is best for both of you.

Lesson 2: Be Flexible with Your Birth Plan: Have Plans B and C

I had this very clear picture in my head of how my birth would go. We'd go to the hospital when contractions started, I'd breathe through them for a few hours, then hop in the tub, baby out – easy peasy, right? But the reality was, my water broke first, then the neighbor who was supposed to drive us didn't hear the doorbell at 2 am, and when I finally got in the tub, I hated it! And that was just the beginning.

Births are often unpredictable. That's why it's so crucial not to just have a rigid Plan A birth plan, but to also think through possible Plan B and Plan C scenarios. What if your labor progresses differently than expected? What if a medical intervention becomes necessary? By considering alternative possibilities beforehand and deciding on your preferences for those situations, you'll feel much more prepared and less overwhelmed if things don't go exactly as planned. Make sure to discuss these backup plans with your birth partner and your medical team so everyone knows your wishes in different circumstances.

Lesson 3: Have a Birth Partner Who's Truly on Your Team

I thought, "Well, I'm the one having the baby, so the most important thing is that I know how the birth should go. My husband isn't really into all the details; he'll just focus on the baby afterwards." At least, that's what I thought before things got real. What I actually needed during labor was someone who knew me so well they could practically read my mind, even when my eyes were half-closed, and who could advocate for my needs when I was completely out of it. That whole epidural situation might have been avoided if, for example, my husband and I had come up with a code word to signal that I was absolutely serious about wanting it.

Having a truly supportive birth partner during labor is invaluable. But there's a huge difference between just having someone present and having someone by your side who genuinely understands your wishes and can step up to advocate for you in those crucial moments. Choose your birth partner carefully – whether it's your spouse, a friend, a family member, or, of course, your doula. Talk in detail about your birth plan (including your Plans B and C) beforehand so they know exactly what's important to you. Practice together how they can support you through contractions and speak up for you when you might not be able to.

Lesson 4: An Epidural Can Be a Lifesaver, Even for Those Wanting a Natural Birth

I was convinced that pain relief was absolutely not for me. Natural birth, that was my goal. Anything else was off the table. But after over 20 hours of labor, I simply couldn't cope anymore. It would have been foolish to keep pushing through every contraction with a 7 cm dilation. I finally got the much-needed epidural and was able to sleep for two hours and regain some of my strength.

Many people have a clear vision of how they want to bring their child into the world, and for some, a "natural" birth without medical pain relief is part of that vision. That's totally valid! But I want to tell you: if the pain becomes overwhelming and you feel like you can't continue, then an epidural or another form of pain relief isn't a sign of weakness or failure. It's a tool that can be incredibly helpful and even necessary for a positive birth experience, especially during long or challenging labors. So, even if your preference is for a natural birth, educate yourself about all the available options beforehand and be open to the possibility of using pain relief if it feels right for you in the moment. It's all about making informed decisions that feel good for you at the time.

Lesson 5: Prepare for the Postpartum Period

Like many expectant parents, I was so focused on the birth itself that I barely made any preparations for the immediate time afterwards. Breastfeeding? It's natural – it'll just happen, right? Healing? I honestly don't think I gave it a single thought. But falling without a safety net after birth is a really hard fall, and that's something I experienced firsthand.

Often, the focus is so intensely on labor and delivery that the postpartum period gets a bit overlooked. But the time after birth is incredibly important for your recovery and for bonding with your baby. Do your research beforehand about what happens with your baby immediately after birth and make your decisions about it (e.g., delayed cord clamping, skin-to-skin contact, immediate assessments). Also, don't underestimate the challenges of breastfeeding. Even though it sounds natural, it can be tricky in the beginning. It's a great idea to find a lactation consultant or take a prenatal breastfeeding class before your baby arrives. And very importantly: plan for support at home. This could be help with meals, caring for older children or pets, or simply having someone to talk to. Make an effort to find a postpartum doula or midwife early on and also look into what resources like household help your insurance might cover.

At the end of the day, we all just want a positive birth experience that we can remember for the rest of our lives and to rest assured that we gave our baby the best possible start to life.